Dec. 19, 2011

Editor's note: Anyone wishing to reach out and contact Chad Shuman with a note of thanks for 1) writing this weekly article and/or 2) serving his country can reach him at chad_shuman@yahoo.com.

If we had to get beat by anyone, I guess I would prefer it be by a Giant Beer Drinking Gopher. I have to give credit where credit is due. Sam Houston State did exactly what I thought WE would do. They came out hot and held on just long enough to get into the national championship game.

And I also have to give a lot of credit to the Griz. While I was about to blow a gasket, there was never an iota of panic from our players or coaching staff, even when we were down 21-0 almost immediately. It was back to our old "bend don't break." Slowly we began to figure a couple things out. And when Chuck Norris McSurdy picked off a pass and took it to the house with about a minute left in the first half, it looked as if we may have caught lightning in bottle. That kept us in the game.

A 35-7 deficit at the half would have been devastating. Instead, 28-14 was manageable. And in the second half our offense picked up a bit (not that it was shabby in the first half with over 200 yards, we just didn't have the points to show for it).

And The Meathouse boys began to wear on the smaller, quicker Gopher defense. It began to look as if this was the plan the entire time. Let Sam Houston State punch themselves out, then deliver the knockout blow. But they had just enough in the tank to finish the job.

I'll tell you, I had no idea Homer Simpson's neighbor had wheels like that (Hi-diddly-ho, neighbor!). He alone had 287 yards on the ground, almost 200 in the first half!!! On the broadcast they compared him to another #20 that played for the Detroit Lions. I won't go THAT far, but he certainly made some moves that were reminiscent of the great Barry Sanders. In the words of the great Homer Simpson, "Stupid Flanders." Giving up a total of 383 yards on the ground is just a tough pill to swallow.

I'll give an RHKOTW to Chuck Norris McSurdy for his pick six. The Cannonball had another solid game, and I loved to see The Puppet Master break off that 59 yard touchdown run. Hats off to the Giant Gophers. You'll be a tough team to beat for the title.

North Dakota State won't be able to do it. They beat Georgia Southern, and will make the trip down to Frisco to play what really ends up being a home game for Sam Houston State. If we can't slow down that offense, no one can.

Giant Beer Drinking Gophers win their first FCS title, 35-17

So that makes this my final article. What a run it was. All delusions of prognostication aside, I can say with relative certainty that this season will be my favorite for years to come. As I glance back at the 17 previous articles I have written, it is instantly clear that I am a moron and an idiot, and I am proud to say so.

Many thanks are in order. A lot of these thanks will be repetition of previous recognition, but as you will see, those people are more than deserving.

Obviously, my wife deserves a heap of credit for putting up with me asking her each week, without fail, "Did you read my article?" She has always been brutally honest with me, which is fantastic, and always gave me good advice about what was funny (very little), and what wasn't (very much). Love you, babe.

To my family, thank you for probably being the only ones who started out reading these articles. I'm pretty sure you are the reason why anyone OUTSIDE of my family even saw the article. And thank you again for supporting me while I've been over here.

A few special thank you's to people who provided me with good material to write about:

* My mother, the Hairy Pickle fan. You'll see towards the end how that may have single-handedly landed me this gig.

* Every opponent we played this year, for allowing me to make fun of you, ESPECIALLY Northern Colorado and Idaho State. I was absolutely brutal on you, which just goes to show that there ain't much I won't do for a laugh. It was all in good fun.

* Chuck Norris. For being Chuck Norris. And possibly conceiving my son.

* Mini-Monte, for ensuring I get to sleep with a Griz every night. That and he had more cover photos than I did, I think.

* Greedy, moron professional athletes. You are easy to talk about.

* Upstanding, model professional athletes with integrity. You, too, are easy to talk about and should get more positive press than you do.

* The BCS. I despise you. And I already have a better plan developed which would eliminate the annual controversy AND increase greenbacks in everybody's pockets. Maybe someone will ask me to write about that someday.

* LTC Jeffrey "Gunslinger" Henderson for the "Article About Nothing" idea.

* Tate Bowler for giving Montana State a new mascot. The Hairy Pickle. Tater is one of my favorite kids in the world.

* The University of Montana Grizzlies football squad. You were the basis for this article, and you always gave me something positive to write up. I was impressed with your grit, determination and sportsmanship.

I can't tell you anything to make the sting go away (I'm still pissed about losing to Frenchtown in the State B quarterfinals in 1993 when I was in high school). Losing suckes. Especially for you seniors. And it's okay for you to be pissed for a while, and for it to hurt down the road when you think back on it. That means you are competitive. I would worry if it DIDN'T bother you.

For you underclassmen, remember how this feels. It should fuel you for next season.

* Joel Carlson and GoGriz.com. This entire thing started with me sending a pathetic email to the University begging and pleading for some Griz swag to hang in my area over here in Kandahar. I may have thrown in some humorous bits and expounded a tad in the email. Joel asked if I wanted to write an article, and once our lawyers hammered out a contract with a huge signing bonus, this little Far Afield thing took off. Thank you, Joel.

I know I probably had you pulling your hair out and shaking your head at some of the things I put onto paper. But this was really something that I felt I didn't even have to think about. It was uninhibited writing. It allowed me to take a couple hours and get my mind out of this place. It was fun. I am proud of it. And that is all thanks to you.

I'm not sure how I'll fill the time on Sunday nights or Monday mornings when I usually wrote this article. I really did look forward to it each week, even when I was hopping around the country or busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest.

Marley and Me was on the TV here late last night. There was a part in the movie where Jennifer Aniston (please stop calling me) tells that guy with the jacked-up nose playing her husband that his old articles make her happy for the five minutes it takes her to read them. No matter how busy she is or how bad of a day she is having, those five minutes make her smile. My hope is that for those few of you who read my article, I gave you a little break in your hectic day, and put a smile on your face.

Thank you to everybody. I will now muddle through the NFL playoffs, where my Arizona Cardinals are hanging on to playoff hopes by a thread. Then soon after it will be NCAA tourney time. My Marquette boys are looking solid so far.

I'm boycotting the NBA, and baseball doesn't get me hyped enough to really follow. I guess I'll have to just golf a lot more from the end of March to the end of August. And then, before you know it, just eight short months from now, the Griz will be back at it again.

And so, friends, for one last time ...

Go Griz, Hairy Pickles Suck, God Bless, Keep Supporting Our Troops, Rangers Lead the Way!